Editor's Response to IAWM Part II

It should come as no surprise that my VPD exceeded the (grossly inadequate) comment section, so here are my thoughts on (my special co-contributor this month) the BWSRN's post on the 'complex' inner workings of the female mind:

*nods as she reads down the list* Yep, yep, that sounds about right. Wha? Why are you shaking your head and baring your teeth like that, BWSRN? *grin*

Okay, I admit it. We're a myriad of contradictions and riddles! We lead with our emotions, and our logic may be skewed (at best) by a man's standards ... BUTT (that was for my favourite 12 yr old) we also more than adequately compensate the male species for the stress and frustration we put them through.

Just think about our skin - how exceptionally soft and sweet smelling it is. Then there's those curves that God gave us - think how much fun you have exploring those! And how about the dimple when we laugh at your gOoFy jokes, or the twinkle in our eye when we tell you that 'You're right, honey, reading the instructions IS for sissies'.

Surely you can forgive us our 'quirks' when we emerge after spending hours to make ourselves extra glamorous - not just to impress you, but to ensure that you'll be the envy of every other man in the room? Who better to nurture you and cater to your sucky side when you're sick or feelin' glum? And be honest, would earning money be nearly as gratifying if you didn't have the complimentary services of a 'professional personal shopper' always at the ready to help you spend it? (okay, that last one might be a stretch *grin*)

Do we make you NuTs on a regular basis? I'm sure we do. But deep down (like waaay deep) I think you'd agree ... you'd be waaay more NuTs without us!!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. *curtsey*

Ecce signum.

Inside a Man's Mind ...

Wendy made me do it *snicker*.

Inside a woman's mind ... Part II

When Apple makes a translator app for this, I'll be first in line:

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your hockey game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. ''Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'.

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow.

GO AHEAD At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".

Ladies?

Inside a woman's mind ...

In Greek mythology, Panacea was the goddess of healing. I’m pretty sure she didn’t cure the ills with a shopping trip. A stroll in the market picking out a new toga or a pair of those gladiator sandals that make women’s feet look like they’re in traction? So why is it then, that a woman’s panacea to stress is shopping?

I’m ready to be enlightened.

BWSRN